Falling Slow
a fashionably late New Years post
“My Saturn has returned. When I turned 27, everything started to change…”
How do you greet an old friend when you’ve been avoiding them for months? I’ll skip past the shame and guilty feelings because I know those don’t serve me anymore. Final answer: with excitement and energy! Because what’s past is past and I’m excited to jump into a conversation and hear about life and ups and downs and, and, and!!! And I just have so much to say! So let’s begin.
“If you’re going to fall, fall slowly.”
My heart whispered this to me in the early hours of the new year. I’d recently spent time with some new friends and one of them told me that sometimes life takes you up a really hard and tall mountain; you find yourself standing on the edge of something so great, it’s terrifying— the unknown— but all you have to do is fall. I pondered this and thought to myself,
“I guess gravity doesn’t care much about the speed in which it moves you, but maybe in those precious moments, instead of flailing, I can soar.”
When I soar I can appreciate the clouds and trees. The wind in my face will taste new and I may wonder if it will hurt when I land where I am going. But if I could just focus on the falling, the soaring, the bravery it took for me to lean into it, that shift in perspective is everything.
December 31, I realized that I was experiencing the new year with a different heart. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so slow and peaceful about a new year. I used to be in a hurry all the time. I used to feel the need to do all these rituals and to call in the very same peace and grounding I somehow found myself in around 11:59 PM. Through all its chaos and turbulence, hope prevailed and I am here: happy, healthy, and abundant in love.
So December became January and I replaced resolutions, with grace. The absence of resolutions didn’t mean to lay fruitless, without goals. In fact, I gave myself three projects to work on.
I guess I’ll say it with my chest, “I’m a full-time freelance artist”. Granted… one that hasn’t worked very much in the past 2 years because, well, cancer, but still, I AM! It’s kind of miraculous, despite all odds, I AM a full-time freelance artist. I’m having a whole moment as I write these words because I realize their weight, their privilege, and the energy of faith that backs them. All I ever wanted was to make art. I’ve never wanted to waste time exploring any other option. Just art. Just colors. Just light. That’s what I was put here to do. And so the me that thought I was going to die, is just so grateful that being an artist like this is still an option.
But back to the projects I gave myself. That’s kind of what you have to do when you haven’t worked much in the past two years— give yourself some work if no one else wants to! As January unfolded, I treated it like a trial month, with caution, and I moved where things were flowing.
This was not without its resistance. I still, sometimes, get caught up in “what’s anxiety and what’s my gut?”. Sometimes, the voices sound very similar. But January was my trial month so I allowed myself to find my footing. I worked on things with focus and determination, but with grace leading the charge, I learned to pivot when roadblocks popped up, or adjustments had to be made. This sounds peaceful and ideal, but rest assured there were a few breakdowns and disappointments, would I be human if there weren’t??
One of my mentors, Rolene, is an amazing South African woman who calls me “dahhhling”. She often tells me “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. So I’m bound to experience disappointment when things fall through or don’t work out. The key is to keep it moving! And in giving myself grace through my human experiences, I fell into opportunities I never saw coming. Falling slowly, I think, is woo-woo for “moving intuitively”. Moving intuitively requires checking in with my body and my spirit— I do believe they are separate— and listening to what they have to say.
I began actually applying the Somatic work and techniques I’d learned about in the past two years and wouldn’t you know it, things started to shift. I found myself navigating new waters, charting new stars, meeting people, and having conversations I didn’t know I was ready for. But I was— because here they were, happening.
A dear friend of mine wrote me a letter in 2020. It was a flowery email, showering me with love and compliments and I remember being touched by the gesture so I printed it out and tacked it on one of my cork boards. It stayed there for years, as various projects and cut-outs of inspiration grazed it, all changing with me as I evolved with time.
In one of my January moments of disappointment, I cried to my best friend about all the work I’d put into one of my self-appointed projects feeling like a waste of time. “You need to remember who you are”, she told me and recommended I take time to find screenshots of nice things people have texted me or sent me over the years. I looked up at my corkboard and remembered the email. That email was actually never about compliments. It had always been about power, and reminding me that I had it.
“You are a living, breathing manifestor just by being yourself. So know whatever you feel called to do is FOR you. Even if that calling is a break or a period of frustration with the very thing that has defined you for so long. Your power wouldn’t be as strong placed in anyone else’s body but yours. What I mean by that is your soul is what makes your gifts so special, and your hands and mind just help carry them out. When our soul isn’t at peace it’s hard to do anything else that is not catered to healing. So take time to heal. Take time to Be. Take time to experience.”
In 2020, I wasn’t actively healing from anything. I wouldn’t know I had cancer until exactly 2 years from the date it was sent. But just like they always do, the words found me when I needed them, not a second before.
And then January became February. I’ve begun talking to my body daily; asking her what she wants. Often, it’s just “to be considered” by my spirit. Body doesn’t like to be overridden. My body likes to tell me when it’s the best time to go and when it’s the best time to rest. And lately, Body tells me that she wants to PLAY. So I’m leaning into that, allowing myself to fall with grace into things that maybe don’t even make sense on the surface. But I feel happier, and I see things are beginning to work out.
I’m still falling slowly… I’m in a quiet season, I think. I don’t feel much like being very social and being “out”. I like going places and doing what I need to do, but quietly. I like working on what I’m working on but, quietly. I don’t think I’ll always feel this way, but I’m honoring that right now, I do.
That being said, I do want to share what some of those things are because I know that art serves people more when it’s out in the world, rather than collecting dust inside your head. Also, I’ve been working hard, and I’m proud of that :)
1. I designed a line of luxury stationery! It’s “luxury” because each design is its own, very thoughtful, work of art and I intend for them to be printed on beautiful paper, ideally with gold foil and other fancy details. It’s hard for me to do anything… lowkey. I’m putting this out into the world now because I’d like to collaborate with a luxury paper goods company to produce these and make them accessible to the masses. I’m calling on the Universe to work her magic! And if anyone’s raising eyebrows… this has worked for me in the past. I just put out a collection with Casetify in December— featuring case designs I’d been making for myself out of paper and glue for years. I keep telling you guys… magic is REAL.
2. I’ve also been working on putting together limited-edition prints of my work for sale. I never thought that my work could exist outside of having commercial application, but in falling slowly, I noticed that the Universe was presenting me with gallery and collector connections because people are interested in collecting my work! So I listened to the call, and now I have luxuriously printed and mixed media limited edition works available for purchasing. Dive in, if you wish!
In leaning into the possibility that my work can exist in whatever medium and space I want it to, I’ve been energized to dream bigger than usual. I’m dreaming up ideas for making my work immersive and accessible in a different way— an experience. This has me jazzed up, vibrating, applying to residencies, writing again, creating new work, playing with new mediums, learning new skills, and submitting to publications. I’m pitching myself left and right, asking for what I want, and feeling a confidence in myself that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It seems that, in falling slowly, I realized I am exactly who I dreamed I’d be.
I’m putting in the work to let the universe know I mean serious business. I am here to play, but I also am here to make money, thrive as an artist and a human, treat myself and my loved ones, and be the incredible businesswoman I know I am. I want to continue creating jobs and opportunities for other artists, I want to make art in any capacity and I no longer feel tied to the medium in which I work in, because I firmly believe God can use me in any of them. As long as there are colors and magic to be made or found, I’m there.
3. So here’s another one of my new ventures. It’s still a work in progress, as are most things in this life, but I’m excited to share: my Portrait Sessions! The Portrait Sessions came from the desire to calm my being-on-a-set-again fever and the dream of making my work more accessible to people! My portraits have ranged from award-winning actors to painters, the occasional pop star, and many of my best friends. I want to offer the opportunity to work with me and my team and be immersed in the colorful worlds that I create.
So far we’re off to a great start and I’m excited to evolve this concept even more. All things in due time, but for now, if you’re in Atlanta (or New York during March 14-19), email me to learn more or to apply!
4. The last thing I want to share is about this sweet space I’ve made on Substack. I’ve been wondering for weeks about how I want to show up and exist in this corner of the internet. Some of the artists I love and admire most are on here and they inspire me weekly and monthly to create, to love, to revel in my softness.
I know about myself, that I tend to silence myself often; not sharing all the things I want to say in fear that I’ll say them wrong and be misunderstood. But if I believe the ideas come from an energy and a spirit greater than mine— and I do— then who am I really silencing?
I’m given so many ideas to make, so many colors to put together, and so many words to share! This work is my livelihood, and I only have gratitude for everyone who supports and encourages it.
I started this Substack to get out all the words that were collecting digital dust in my notes app, but I’ve spent more time writing new things and not doing what I initially set out to do. It’s okay because plans, people, and purposes change and evolve. But for now, expect smaller, quicker (not like this one, I promise!!!), more creative reads because it’s 2024 and I’m gonna get all of this writing out of my notes app!
To my sweet VIP subscribers: I’m excited to share a new series titled: Love Letters. I’ve been writing love letters to the things I notice with an extra sparkle in my eye; to the people who visit me physically or energetically, and to the places I go that fill up my cup. I’m also starting a new series (coming soon!!) featuring conversations with artists that inspire me. We’ll be talking about work, love, putting good energy out into the world, and cultivating a creative practice sustainably. And like before, I’ll still be sharing digital wallpapers, giving you first looks at behind-the-scenes content on my projects, and the occasional personal update.
If you’re new, these are three of my favorite pieces that show a range of what you’ll find here:
Thank you for being here. Paid subscriptions allow me to keep writing these pieces, amongst all the other creative endeavors I’m navigating. Your support gifts me the opportunity to continue exploring myself as an artist. I’m a photographer, a director, a writer, a speaker, a painter, a collage artist,— a world-maker. I can’t stay in just one medium… somehow, they must all overlap, intertwine, and co-exist. The results are the creative worlds I keep on making. I find purpose and value in sharing the process, the highs, the lows— the magic, and the mayhem.
If you’re not a paid subscriber already, I’d love it if you’d consider upgrading. (And if you are, thank you, I appreciate you greatly.)
It is not lost on me, that when you choose to support “Of Magic and Mayhem” you are acknowledging that you value the work I’m making. Art must be liberated from inside our heads and welcomed by others to complete the circle. In this way, we are in a creative dance, collaborating on filling the world with more good than bad. I’m grateful for this magic.
My goal with “Of Magic and Mayhem” is to show you how to find the magic in your own lives. Through vulnerability, creative practices, and choosing to shift your energy to focus on the magic, you will inevitably find it. This work is important to me and I want to make it as accessible as possible!
I know firsthand how life can take us from what felt like the top of the world, to the depths of all hardships. If this is you, and you’d still like to have access to the magic in this space, just send me an email to v@valheriarocha.com and I’ll gift you a paid subscription for a year. All I ask is that you share the magic by interacting with my posts, or sharing your favorite ones on social media and tagging me @valheria123.
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I’m grateful to have a new year to celebrate with you all, even if I am royally, fashionably late! As always, I hope you keep finding your magic!
with love,
What a beautiful reminder of our ability to move intuitively - one I needed today, thank you 💖⭐️ can’t wait to see all the magic you gift the world this year!