from my field journal: The Magic in My Head
whimsical pictures and a dreamy poem from 2021
i miss you like the sunflowers miss the rain.
your colors swirl together in my mind
like a melting popsicle on a summer day.
all these feelings come and go
and leave me stranded in a sea of blue
i love you
i miss you
both are colors i never knew.
i hope you still think of me
even when i’m so far gone
i want to be known please
for this one perfect song
for dancing in the sunshine
and singing in the rain
for living past the midnights
and never staying the same.
catch me if i’m falling
or maybe just let me fall
i pick up all your fears
like petals when you call
and spend the whole time wondering
i love her
i love her not
all i see are beach umbrellas
popsicles
and summer skies.
i’m envy green with jealousy
watching yellow sunflowers grow Heaven tall
the ocean’s blue when i’m with you
the sun sets red, you always said
these days are never ending
i love this magic in my head.
It started with some Wes Anderson references... as most of my projects do. And then somehow, I ended up here… opening up windows and doors I didn’t know were inside of me, dusting off feelings I didn’t know had stayed behind. Crisp, new air swooped in to replace stale dust and colors bloomed in my mind.
When we made these pictures, the trees were bare, the sun was sleepy, and the air was cold and hard. I had Summer on my mind.
And popsicles.
Sunflowers and whimsy run freely through my blood, and I associated this with colors.
Sunflowers are yellow.
Whimsy is blue.
And blood is the best shade of red.
There’s a childish aspect in these pictures that I can’t explain other than confessing that it’s probably because I never fully grew up.
Life ran too fast in some places and parts of me got left behind. So now I nurture those parts of me. I water them, I feed them, I let them have fun too.
This is how I see the world in front of me.
I have rules and hold beliefs that reflect the life I want to live; the life I’m pretty sure I’m living:
Colors are sacred and staying young at heart is vital for a lengthy life. A heart with no gratitude will eventually turn sour apple green before exploding. Sunflowers have the power of the Sun inside of them, so they are quite literally the closest we can get to Heaven on Earth.
I’m not sure how to express myself quickly... Maybe when my parents crossed the ocean with us, I lost my comfort and my homeland but I gained twice as many words.
Maybe all the words are my safety blanket.
The armor I go to battle with when I feel I’m shouting into a void. The words are knitted together tightly with the pictures.
Unravel one, the whole thing falls apart.
Anyway, all of this means a lot to me. Everything I make means a lot to me. I hope you can feel it even a fraction of how I do.
Credits
creative direction, photography, set design, and photography by me
starring @ryancamesa
photo assistant: @savanaogburn
styled by @bohemeextreme
grooming by @chandlerwest
If you’re new, these are three pieces that show a range of what you’ll find here:
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with love,
